Talk:Rufus Humphrey/@comment-108.132.191.49-20140619104421
***spoiler alert*** Am I the only one who found Rufus just about intolerable as the series went on? I liked him a lot in Season 1: he was naive, too idealistic, a bit ditzy, and thought he was way wiser than he really was, but still so cute, loyal, funny, sweet and earnest. But this wikia description is totally gulping the Rufus Kool-Aid. ALL the characters, save maybe Chuck and Blair (and Nate just because he's so sexy), were completely hateful and irredeemable by Season 6—Rufus included. He was an appalling father to Jenny, a jobless loser, and just as much to blame for his marital problems as Lily was, if not more. In Seasons 3 and 6, and Season 4 and 5, they made Lily a completely passive idiot and then an evil genius, respectively (which didn't help GG's continuity issues). But Rufus steadily progressed into such a passive aggressive, childish, whinging, judgemental, hypocritical, ineffectual, feckless fool that I couldn't even feel sorry for him... He was like a 40-year-old Taylor Swift. My issues with Rufus started in Season 2 when he berated Lily for being a horrible mother both with the adoption thing and then with Serena, and went on about what a great and loving father he was, while he had allowed his daughter to go homeless. Was Jenny impulsive, naive, and crazy? Sure. But at least back then she was still a good kid. I'll give him credit for being a good dad to Dan, but Rufus never sat down and actually talked to his daughter about her career dreams, or boys, or friends, or tried to empathise with her. He just grounded her and when she ran away, waited for her to come back, expected her to have converted to his way of thinking, and upon realising that she hadn't, re-started the whole stupid cycle. At least Lily knew she kind of sucked (that's why she drank so much Chardonnay?), but Rufus wasn't just a horrible father to Jenny; he was so full of himself! And so melodramatic: declaring in 2x13 that he'd "never be with Lily" because of something that happened 20 years ago that he wouldn't even let her explain—only for her to be like "I'm still in love with you" 2 episodes later and for him to immediately jump into bed with her. Then Season 3: he was great at first, with being a real dad to Eric and Serena (and that Lily impression in 3x04 is one of my favourite things ever), but by mid-season, the sex must've been reeeeeeeeeeally good because Lily still tolerated and appreciated his presence, which I feel was wholly undeserved. He neither tried to fully integrate himself in Lily's UES world nor carve out a legit and unique space for himself. He had NO JOB—not even being an amazing career socialite like Lily was before Bass Industries. And it's not like he was busy parenting his kids: Dan was in college, Eric never had parents anyway, and he was too busy running away from his marriage to notice that his daughter had become an INTERNATIONAL DRUG DEALER. And when he found out? He uprooted her from her home and "grounded" her. When she was so distraught that she F***** HER RAPEY STEPBROTHER he was like: "okay, you're your mother's problem now." Even re his problems with Lily, aside from her inexplicable need to build a Russian nesting doll of secrets, the split stemmed from him continually assuming the worst of her and running away instead of sitting down and having an adult conversation, like she continually asked for. At least in Season 4 we got some cute Rufus and Rufly moments (the "grandbaby", Halloween, conning Russell, the Pink Party), and were reminded of how adorably sweet, fun, and earnest Rufus could be. And what great chemistry Rufus and Lily have. I'll even forgive the total d*** move of selling Lily out in front of the family re Bass Industries in 4x12, because he had just learned some horrifying news about her. But by Season 5, he'd become intolerable. Not only did he'' still'' have no job or outside life (that "band manager" thing in Season 4 lasted for like one episode); he had the nerve to act like his wife's money was his and then pitch a self-righteous fit when she got upset that he used it explicitly against her wishes. Her line in 5x21 "Where are you going to find another UES woman to take care of you the way I do?" was undeniably and deliberately cruel, because Rufus didn't love her for her money and she knew that. But he was still a kept man, and the only thing worse than a kept man is a kept man in denial, and the only thing worse than a kept man in denial is a belligerent and self-righteous kept man in denial who lashes out at his sugar mama for not letting him dictate how her money is spent. But Rufus wasn't just a delusional mistress in Season 5; he was a terrible husband by not being there for Lily (HIS ONLY JOB) and assuming the worst of her without a shred of empathy. Invalidating the will and trying to seize Carol's inheritance wasn't about Lily being money-hungry; it was about the *principle* of the matter: she didn't feel that Ivy or Carol deserved anything from CeCe. And quite justly: Carol had run away as a teenager and since secretly used their family for money while publicly scorning them, even hiring someone to impersonate Lily's niece. As for Ivy, from Lily's POV Ivy had either isolated CeCe from her family and conned or maybe even killed her for her money, or earned more of her mother's affection in under 1 year than Lily had received in over 40. Either of which would be devastating. But Rufus just assumed she was being greedy and spoiled. First, he threw a pissy fit that while he had made the great sacrifice of leaving his tiny Brooklyn loft (which wouldn't have fit the van der Bassphreys anyway) so that he could go be put up in his wife's UES penthouse and cook deluxe waffles for three years, his WASPy wife wasn't too happy living in DUMBO and lighting her stove with a match... ignoring the fact that she justly resented having been kicked out of her HOME by a 20-year-old con artist. Next, re the deal for Ivy to move out in exchange for unfreezing the assets, Rufus condemned his wife for tricking the con artist who conned her. Are you kidding me? I would've high-fived Lily, toasted with champagne, and made sweet Brooklyn-to-Manhattan love all night long. Maybe in a few days we would've contemplated the virtues of empathy and forgiveness, but definitely not before the champagne. Dom Perignon. Sure I'm no saint, but I don't think I'm any worse than the guy who let his teenaged daughter go homeless because he was jealous of her talent and success and was losing a battle of wills with a 15-year-old. As late as 5x20, even after her gross little show of snooty materialism and his even grosser little show of misplaced morality, Mrs. Humphrey came by and offered to leave her penthouse and the UES just so she and Mr. Humphrey could find their own place to build a life together. You know, so that he'd feel like the equal he used to be and thought he still was, even though by that point he was just a whiny, self-righteous, hypocritical, jobless leech and she must have resented him at least a little. In repayment (no puns intended) Rufus then used Lily's money behind her back, got pissed when she got upset, and then even when she came over again ''to try to talk and work things out, like ''adults'' do (generous ones at that), he petulantly kicked her out of the loft. His own 'son—sadly not for the first time—had to explicitly explain to him how to be a husband. Which is why I had no sympathy for Rufus in Season 5. Hell, I cheered 'evil!'Lily on. Honestly, as much of a monster as she became, it was at least understandable. Her mother had suddenly died without giving her the chance to say goodbye, and left all the money to Floridian trailer trash who'd tricked her whole family, who'd been hired by her terrible and depraved sister, who years ago had slept and procreated with her first husband: the father of her children and the man who'd walked out on her and broken her heart. And despite Lily's seriously screwed-up relationships with her mother, sister, and William, it was obvious that she loved each of them and the bereavement and betrayals were probably traumatic. The man she depended on most: her husband and the love of her life, seemed to be taking the side of a con artist. Anyone would've freaked, and Lily of all people was hardly a saint: of course she lashed out hard. Still, as delicious as 'evil!'Lily was while cooking deals with Ivy, having police offers pop out from nowhere at dinner, imprisoning her sister, and verbally kicking her husband in the nuts, I found her tame by GG standards. The NJBC has *already* done much worse. Have we forgotten the Shepherds' wedding? Operation "Ditch the Bitch in Belarus"? Chuck Bass? Had Blair been in Lily's position, I think she would've unleashed smallpox. Jenny was cool letting her own stepmother die from untreated/mistreated cancer back in Season 3 just because Serena was mean to her, so I can only imagine. I don't *want* to imagine what Chuck would've done. To be fair, Lily is an adult and should be held to a higher standard. But even so, a) I'm not convinced that her actions made her the anti-Christ and b) let's be honest, the only real teenagers this show has ever had are Rufus and Lily anyway. But neither as a teenager nor as an adult, not once did Rufus empathise with his wife in her greatest hour of need or unequivocally demonstrate that he was on her side. He thought only of himself. He didn't even speak to her for weeks ''until Bart returned, just like that child who has totally discarded a toy until some other kid wants to play with it. Even then, he didn't fight for her like a repentant man in love; he went behind her back like a sneak and and again started deciding her life for her. I honestly can't blame Lily for annulling the marriage, because by that point there wasn't one. And loath as I am to acknowledge that Season 6 even happened, I feel that I must point out: while it seemed no one could be worse than Lily Bass the Remix (except for her Darth Vader husband), Rufus still ''slept with Ivy Dickens. ''And then became her ''mistress. Let me repeat: he was Ivy Dickens's mistress. Not only was she like 12 years old; Ivy didn't even deserve to be a mistress. Lily may have sold her soul to the leathery-skinned new-money devil and reached new lows in parenting, but nothing surpasses such degradation as Rufus Humphrey becoming Ivy Dickens's mistress. I'm inclined to feel sympathy for Dan, Jenny, old Allison, and the van der Basses, just for past or present association. Don't get me wrong, while I adore Lily (at least pre-Season 6), I know that she was never a picnic: she was always secretive, manipulative, selfish, materialistic, self-absorbed, and kind of mean. And she broke his heart by leaving him 20 years ago, which was undoubtedly hard to get over. But not only did Rufus already know all of this about her 20 years ago; he knew when he married her what she had grown into and why she now acts the way she does. They were friends and lovers for 2 years before the wedding. So either he was stupid enough to not see, or stupid and manipulative enough to believe he could change her. Either way, it's his fault. She knew full well that he was a whinging and idealistic man-child, but she signed that marital contract "as is" because she loved him for who he was. It seemed different when they were teenagers and adult friends, but as her husband, I don't think Rufus ever accepted Lily for who she was. He always freaked out when she did something morally suspect—which was just about all the time; she's like an older, blonder, sluttier Blair—but unlike the NJBC + Dan, who hold no illusions about Blair's evil and crazy ass but love her anyway because she's awesome, Rufus didn't accept those flaws in his wife. He pretended they didn't exist until he was forced to acknowledge them, and when karmic poo hit Lily's fan, he never stood up for her. He sometimes stood by her, and mostly around ''her; never really ''for her. Thus his "loyalty" gradually came across more as naivete or just contemptible weakness. Think about it: not counting whatever happened 20 years ago, Lily gave up on Rufus precisely 2.5 times; he gave up on her like every other week since 2007, only to schlep on back each time. Before they reunited in Season 2, Lily gave up Rufus for the sake of her daughter and her family with Bart, just as he had given her up for the sake of his family with Alison, so I consider that a wash. But prior to that, only 1.5 betrayals. First strike: beginning of Season 3. She got hella jitters before the wedding because she was freaking out about the future. I thought then that Rufus was right and she was just scared of being hurt, since all her marriages end in tears or death and she didn't want that to happen with Rufus. In retrospect of the cancer storyline, maybe she was also literally scared for her life and that she'd be dead before their first anniversary. She recovered much quicker from her freakout than he always did, but it still counts as a strike. Second strike: end of Season 3. People like to cite her her readiness to take a trip with William to Palm Beach in 3x21 when she thought Rufus was being a cheating poo-face. But that boozing skeeve of an ex-husband of hers was still her doctor, and at that point she still thought she had cancer and that he was helping her. She hadn't left his side in Europe for months while she was being treated, and he was living with and treating her in New York. It wasn't that much of a stretch for her to accompany him on a trip if he'd be gone for an undetermined amount of time. It was incredibly stupid of her to be so quick to follow him without even a question, but I feel like either a) she was seriously out of her mind b) she was looking for an excuse to get away from Rufus for awhile, or c) the most likely reason, which explains most of the confusion from Seasons 3-6: terrible, terrible writing. In actuality, the only other time her loyalty wavered was when she doubted his fidelity in 3x21 after the scarf and Holland's testimony. But rather than stay to explain himself—unlike him, she didn't shut him up or run away—he had the gall to instead insult her and then WALK OUT ON HER with a demand that she find him when she was ready to '''APOLOGISE. For the crime of doubting his innocence when presented with credibly condemnatory evidence that he wouldn't deign to explain, even though just weeks ago he ran away from her on a ski trip and then screened all her calls, with nary a conversation, based on a mere suspicion. Sadly, for all his romantic enthusiasm and her WASPy frigidity, I think Lily was the one who truly loved Rufus while Rufus was only in love with an idea of her. Tragic irony, really. Either that or she was just using him in the same disturbing, masochistic way Serena always used Dan: as a living reminder and embodiment of her "good" side. As for their appalling lack of marital communication, I dunno... maybe GG was trying to make some other grand tragically ironic statement about how in this world of social media and crazy gossip, no one actually communicates. Lily keeps secrets and when she tries to explain, Rufus just sticks his fingers in his ears and yells "lalala can't hear you". Then they have sex and everything's okay until the next crisis hits. It's a cool theory that I fear gives way too much credit to GG's writing staff, particularly from Season 3–onward. After all, Rufus and Lily had so much potential to be awesome: both individually and together. But sadly these writers clearly didn't work for The O.C, because they had no idea how to write compelling storylines for a married couple on a teen show. Instead, that great potential was wasted; not only did they eventually destroy the great and intriguing couple of Season 1, they destroyed the characters themselves. Thus, for the many aforementioned ones, it annoys me to see such a glowing review of "Rufus Humphrey." He SUCKS. And not just because he's flawed; all of them are. He also has killer looks, a good heart, and the ability to be an exceptional person; all of them do. But unlike all the others, he never realised how truly appalling he could be (even Serena got called out), and that's what makes him so completely ingratiating to me. But hey, I'm just here posting an obnoxiously long (albeit heartfelt) rant at 4am because I'm bored. It's also a little embarrassing that I've even given this much thought to Rufus Humphrey, but it's only because I love Lily and had such high hopes for Rufly. YMMV :) xoxo